I Dream of the Great Wall of Trump
Probably since I am taking Naproxen for a sore shoulder, I was dreaming of all that could go wrong with the Great Wall of Trump. I consider walls to be a poor and expensive long range investment. There are many stories of walls being breached by sappers or cannon fire. Bribery and deceit leads to traitors opening secret tunnels. The Maginot Line fell to Panzer divisions breaching at a few key places. Even prison walls could not hold El Chapo. Tunnels are used for smuggling into Israel from the Gaza Strip.
I am just going to list here the many ways that I dreamed up this morning to breach, as well as to pay for the Great Wall of Trump. I am sure that others will think of more poignant titles for the wall. Trump’s Wall is quoted as 2,200 miles long, although as I recall some 900 miles of walls already exists.
For one thing, the wall may never exist. Even if Trump gets some money for it to start, by the time it is surveyed, and public domain is used to gain title to the land next to the border, and compensation suits settled, and contractors draw up plans for all of the different terrain and landscaping necessary to preserve the environment and tame river flows, and bids are submitted and evaluated, and the Congress allocates money, and the bids are accepted and the contracts drawn, and insurance lined up, and auxiliary roads built, and local concrete plants constructed, and steel contracted for, and construction workers hired, and equipment built or collected, and test sections built, and weather delays and flood delays bypassed, etc., WE WILL HAVE, HOPEFULLY, A DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENT, WHO’S DAY-ONE-PROMISE WILL BE TO CANCEL THE ENTIRE PROJECT!
HANG GLIDING: Here’s the first breaching method I dreamed. I enjoy watching the hang gliders off of the La Jolla coast, where they soar like birds on the updraft caused by the ocean side cliffs. Although the wall may be only 40 feet high, on a windy day, with its long length there could be an updraft. All you need is a hill by the wall where the glider could start by jumping and sail along or over the wall. Of course, they would have to train for an hour or so before. If the updraft really exists, it could become a sporting venue, and maybe even an X-wall glide sporting event for the longest ride, the fastest speed, and the most acrobatic moves done during glide. Perhaps retired President Obama would like to add this to his list of ventures.
PARASAILING: If the wind is low at a given location, the smuggler can use a dirt road and a parasail to drive up to sufficient speed to lift the boarding crosser high enough to be released in a moderate breeze to sail over the border and land.
THE TRUMP FLYWAY: Birds, of course, would find it convenient to glide along the wall. This could provide the Great Trump Flyway, connecting birds in San Diego to the Gulf of Mexico, flying along the wall and the Rio Grande. They will of course carry pollens, fungus, maybe even types of bark beetles or their larvae, to locations along this distance, thereby invading previously isolated ecosystems.
TENNIS BALL DRUG DELIVERY: Any large drug cartel has to have some tennis players, even if just amateurs. They can drive to a spot along the wall, and in a group, just loft tennis balls over the wall that have been filled with drugs or pot. Someone on the other side then just picks them up and drives off. It doesn’t even matter how thick or high the wall is, or how deep it goes into the ground, or if it is covered with barbed wire, or steel reinforced. While we all see shopping sized bags for drug smuggling on TV, the drug has to be distributed and repackaged to smaller size anyway. The unit of drug distribution will then be called the “tennis ball fix”, already repackaged. For irony, the smugglers can use the Trump National Golf Club tennis balls. (Note, I am not endorsing these tennis balls on this website.) Unfortunately, our new opioid scourge is partly delivered by misused prescriptions. As everyone knows, the only way to stop the drug misuse is to educate Americans how dangerous they are, and to fund penalty free programs to aid the addicted off of their drugs.
GRAFFITI HEAVEN: Imagine a 2,200 mile, 40 foot high canvas, with two sides to it. Instead of tagging city walls and risking arrest, what if on the weekends, taggers could take buses to fresh sections of the wall, and paint to their hearts content. Of course, no ladders would be allowed. If the US side doesn’t allow all of the original wall decoration of Trump’s Life Story and Family and Triumphs to be repainted, the Mexican side will probably be blank and open for business.
WILL TRUMP CREATE THE GREATEST WALL EVER, ANYWHERE? The Great Wall of China used to be quoted as 5,500 miles long, using ancient records. However, a new archeological survey shows that the wall was 13,170.69 miles long, or more than twice as long as the previous estimate. As people who have seen the wall know, it linked forts, and could transport troops rapidly, being flat on top. The Great Wall of China is precisely 6 times as long as the Great Wall of Trump.
HOW TO HAVE MEXICANS PAY FOR THE WALL: The Trump administration is already considering using El Chapo’s fortune to start paying for the wall. But placing the wall inside of the US borders, cuts off part of the US from the actual border with Mexico. This unused US territory could be sold to the Mexican government, or to Mexicans themselves. Since about half of the wall is along the Rio Grande, it is valuable riverside property. The wall also makes excellent housing for the poor, who only need a portable lean-to cover for shelter. Eventually, the wall can be a great bracing structure for multilevel structures. When the partly built wall is finally taken down, the concrete can be sawed off or excavated, and the slabs used for flooring. Thus, Mexico or Mexicans can finally pay for the wall and for valuable border or riverside property.
TRUMP BORDER TOWERS: Since so many families will be separated by Trump’s deportation rules, he can build Trump Towers at urban locations along the wall, where separated families can get together for a while. Strict inflow and outflow to the Towers will keep foreigners from entering the US from the hotel.