Advice to Trump on His Private Meeting With Putin

Advice to Trump on His Private Meeting With Putin

Update:  July 17:  “What a Difference a Day Makes”.  Trump’s advisers should be faulted for preparing him 100 pages of instructions, which he of course didn’t read.  He would have done much better with my two page advice.  We’re lucky that he only confused “would” and “wouldn’t” during his press conference, although his translator didn’t question it.  What if he had confused such words during his two and a half hour alone session?

Based on previous instructions to Trump for other meetings, and Putin’s unique history, I have tried to construct what Trump’s instructions for the meeting should be.

Trump has already given away that he will ask Putin if he influenced the election, but knows that he will say no, again. Trump then said that he would tell Putin to stop it.

Here’s what’s wrong with that. Do Not Ask Putin if He Fixed the Election!!!!! You are again telling him that you do not trust your own intelligence agencies, and he will exploit that.

Don’t tell Putin to stop the interference. Tell him that the first thing that you did when you took office was to order all agencies and Internet security companies to prepare to fight and stop Russian influence in our elections. What? You didn’t do that, and still won’t? Let’s move on.

Don’t brag about how much you have accomplished in your year and a half term.  Putin has been President for 14 years, and Prime Minister for another 5.  Putin started in the KGB in 1975, at the age of 24.  So he has been in government for 43 years.  He has been in power during part of Clinton’s Presidency, and all of George W. Bush’s, and Barack Obama’s Presidencies.

Putin likes murdering traitors or opponents by slow and painful deaths, especially once they have fled the country. He knows he will be identified as the murderer, which is part of the show. The painful deaths are to deter other traitors or dissidents. Putin also doesn’t mind murdering the loved ones of a target, to increase their suffering.

Consequently, Trump must never touch a doorknob in a room that Putin or a Russian has been in. Best, wear a pair of waterproof gloves.

If you see Putin remove a bandaid from his hand, do not shake hands with him. That was the method used in the movie about killing Kim Jong Un.

Don’t shake hands with him at all. He can crush your little hand and force you to give up Finland.

Don’t let him hand you any drink.

You can pat him on the back, but if he pats you on the back, assume that he has just planted a bug.

Don’t worry about him bugging your iPhone, he probably did that a long time ago.

Be sure to carry the pocket Geiger counter which looks like a pen, and beeps if activated.

Study the list of free Eastern European countries. Don’t give away any if you are not sure.

Just because some people somewhere speak Russian, don’t give their country to Putin. Lots of people in California and Texas speak Spanish, but we don’t give those states to Mexico or Spain.

Just because Mexico once owned California and Texas, we don’t give those up. Putin doesn’t get to keep Crimea just because they first took it in 1783.

Yes, the Russians did once have a fort, Fort Ross, in Sonoma County California, but nobody is going to let you give that State away to get rid of the 3 to 5 million illegal voters that took the popular vote from you.

Don’t give away the names of any US agents in Russia. Nobody actually ever told you their real names, anyway.

Yes, Campaign Chair Paul Manafort and National Security Advisor Lt. General Michael Flynn really should have registered as Russian agents.

Yes, Putin knows about every effort your campaign made to get information on Clinton, but he is never going to spill the beans.

He also knows about all of your rumored oligarch assisted bank loans, but he won’t talk about them either.

You won’t be taping your conversation, but he may, so watch what you say.  They usually release embarrassing remarks afterwards.

Remember, nyet means no, not yes.

Don’t tell Putin how much you admire his dictatorial powers, and wish you had them. As well as his unlimited 6 year terms. And his totally obeisant Federal Assembly. And his ability to effectively own state companies.

Yes, Putin is the richest man on earth, but don’t slobber over him.

Don’t repeat that “we have our murderers too”. We don’t. It’s illegal.

As much as you want to trust him, he will try to take advantage of you.

Don’t brag that you have more weapons or nuclear bombs than he does. He knows how many we have.

Yes, you both cheated on your wives. But his was rumored to be with an Olympic athlete, not a porn star. Don’t waste too much time comparing notes on this.

Don’t take up his offer to go riding horses shirtless. It’s not going to work out as well for you as for him.

Just remember, Putin is a black belt in judo. If he gets into his stance, run!

Putin’s smile doesn’t mean that he likes you. It also doesn’t mean that you have made a funny remark. He is always smiling around you because he cannot believe what any easy mark you are. He is always thinking that without his help, you would never have gotten to be the head of a much greater economic and military power, with more than twice the population of Russia.

About Dennis SILVERMAN

I am a retired Professor of Physics and Astronomy at U C Irvine. For two decades I have been active in learning about energy and the environment, and in reporting on those topics for a decade. For the last four years I have added science policy. Lately, I have been reporting on the Covid-19 pandemic of our times.
This entry was posted in 2016 Election, 2018 Midterm Election, Affairs of State, Donald Trump, Humor, Russia. Bookmark the permalink.

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