Trump Dreams of Mar-e-Luna

Trump Dreams of Mar-e-Luna

This is an article of non-science fiction, since science is ruled out in Trump’s dreams.  Trump wants to colonize the moon, where he has his typical dream of opening another Trump International Golf Course.  In this case, Trump will up the title to the “First Trump Galactic Golf Course”.  Since Trump’s course is enclosed by an atmosphere it could only be the size of a putting green.  To save bringing a gardener to the moon, the green would be astroturf, which is appropriately named. 

Par should be one or two, but Trump would make it three, so that he could usually be under par.  Trump would of course be the first player.   He would play until he finally hit a hole in one, and could claim the first course record.  

I looked up a calculation of the possible length of a drive on the moon, which is 2.5 miles, and was reminded that astronaut Alan Shepard actually did drive a golf ball on the moon.  The ball would stay aloft for 70 seconds.  This makes golfing tough, since you couldn’t even see the hole at that distance.  Also, the ball could bounce and roll a large distance without grass to slow it down.  Dimpled balls wouldn’t be necessary since there is no air to grab onto to provide lift.  There would also be no effect from sliced balls curving.  Also, without air friction to slow the ball and bring it down, they would fly a real parabola.  GPS signaling balls could radio back how far that they went.  And that was how the moon got covered with anaerobic bacteria.

Since billionaires are planning private space trips, including to orbit the moon or even landing on it, Trump would provide their hotel Mar-e-Luna.  (That is the one place where Trump could be accurately called a “Lunatic”.). The moon’s gravity is only 1/6 of that of earth.  So Trump at 240 pounds on earth would only weigh 40 pounds on the moon.  Magnetic boots would be required, so that people wouldn’t hit their heads when they walk with a bounce.  Trump could also not practice his second favorite sport, lofting paper towel rolls as if they were basketballs.  Which reminds us that basketball hoops would have to be so high that your aim would never score a basket.  Holding onto the hoop in a dunk would be much easier.

Of course, no cooking can take place in a pure oxygen atmosphere.  So Trump’s “best chocolate cake on Earth” would have to be served from a tube, as the “best chocolate cake on the moon”. 

While trying to relieve our political stress with some humor, I looked up how the moon got associated with mental illness, or “lunacy”.  Unfortunately, it turned out that the Miriam-Webster word of the day was “despot”.  Also, definition 2 was “wild foolishness” and “extravagant folly”, with definition 3 being “a foolish act”.  No, you just can’t make this stuff up.  My definition of “lunacy” would be trying to find something humorous about Trump. 

Trump would rule the moon and not have any taxes to pay.  (If he actually paid any taxes on earth.). 

Nobody would own individual “lune” buggies on the moon, but would be driven automatically by self driving ones with terrain avoidance guidance. 

Since the moon keeps the same side facing the earth, Trump will always be able to look down, or up, at the earth.  Although the earth will now be seen as going through phases of day and night, with the 28 day cycle.  However, the earth rotates daily.  But light on the moon would be 14 days of daytime, and then 14 days of nighttime.  That would be hard to adjust to.  When we Earthlings have “super-moons”, when the moon is closest to earth, Lunalings would have “super-earths”.

The only “weather” on the moon would be the rather serious solar storms causing particle radiation.  Since there is no ozone layer to screen out ultraviolet light, any exposure without UV filters would be harmful.  No more directly looking at the sun, Donald.  And you would need constant cooling when in sunlight with your moon-suit, and constant heating when on the dark night side.  As well as lighting.

About Dennis SILVERMAN

I am a retired Professor of Physics and Astronomy at U C Irvine. For a decade I have been active in learning about energy and the environment, and in lecturing and attending classes at the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute (OLLI) at UC Irvine.
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