If Only Trump Had Been There
In one phone call, Trump solved the Turkish, Syrian, Russian and maybe Kurd problem, which hadn’t been solved in decades. Or, it was negotiated by VP Pence and Secretary of State Pompeo. Or, it is just a 5 day pause. This leads us to only wish that Trump had been present at other times in US, Middle East, and World history. Here is what he could have accomplished.
If Trump had been present at Yalta in 1915, he could have substituted for Roosevelt and met with Stalin and Churchill. He would have insisted that the Kurds be given their own state, rather than being divided among Turkey, Syria, Iraq, Iran, and Armenia. It is so obvious today. Since Yalta is in Crimea, Ukraine, he could have also solved the Crimean problem 100 years ago, and built the first Trump Seaside Resort at Yalta.
Trump could have freed the Hebrews from Pharoah by showing them the smugglers route through the sea of reeds, due to the drought. Trump would have then tented the first series of Trump Oases Resorts. Later, he could have negotiated with Nebuchadnezzar in 589 BC to leave the Hebrews and Jerusalem alone, and built the first Trump International Jerusalem, across from the Temple. Then he could have built the Trump Royale Babylon for Nebuchadnezzar.
If Trump had been in the Roman Senate on the ides of March in 44 BC, he could have saved Caesar, and married 25 year old Cleopatra. Of course, he would have succeeded Caesar in the next election, except Caesar was attacked because he was declaring himself emperor, and there would have been no more elections.
In 445, Trump could have stopped Attila the Hun by putting a steep tariff on his elephants, before he sacked northern Italy. You get it by now, the Trumpa Non Quid pro Quo Diversorium in Roma. Trump would have been fluent in Vulgar Latin.
If Trump had been present in the late 1100s, he could have helped the Ming stop the Mongols of Genghis Khan with the Trump Great Wall, the most beautiful wall ever, and prevented the sacking of Asia. More amazing, Trump would have gotten the Khan to pay for the wall. Trump would have established the Trump Palace Residences in Beijing.
Was Trump in fact present when Galileo recanted in 1633, having convinced him that the earth was flat? The Leaning Tower could have been the first Trump Tower, in Pisa, which leaned because Trump wouldn’t have paid for guild labor.
If only Trump hadn’t become President in 2016, our conservationist lives would have been oh so simple.