Leading the life of a graduate student is a unique experience which requires great efforts to develop new professional and personal skills. One of the necessary skills is to establish productive relationships with your academic associates and your roommate/flat mate who are not necessarily your friends. Indeed, your roommate may have a considerable impact on your overall experience in graduate school including your academic success. If you do not have a peaceful place to rest, it will be difficult for you to concentrate on your studies. Therefore, it is of great importance to plan for a good relationship with your roommate.
Communication and respect are keys to develop a successful relationship with your roommate. Graduate schools usually host cultures from various regions of the world and from all levels of societies, and you may be surprised to see how people’s perspectives differ toward same issues. So, it is essential to communicate with your roommate about things that concern both of you, for example shared spaces, cleaning, visitors, pets, allergies, etc. Communication is not just talking about what you think but it requires good listening skills. The key is to talk about what matters to you with a friendly and respectful tone as well as to keep the balance between talking and listening. It is advantageous to stay quiet and take some time to contemplate on what the other person is saying. Sometimes you need to decide between continuing the discussion, ending your relationship, or compromising to save the benefits of having a good relationship with your roommate.
It is wise to clarify expectations from the very beginning. For example, you may ask your roommate to have a meeting for an hour and talk about the ideal home you would like to live in, such as acceptable level of noise. However, before making a long list of rules and requests, it is good to consider if they are reasonable. Also, be sure to check the policy of the housing community you are living in, for example on-campus housing have specific policies about visitors or quiet hours.
Finally, you need to be open-minded that your roommate has the right to disagree with your requests. In case of conflict, it is not productive to insist on what you want or even forget about your desires completely. The best strategy is to agree on something that both of you feel comfortable with. If it is not possible to find that mutual agreement by yourself, it is wise to ask someone to help you. The mediator may be a staff in the housing office or a mutual friend. Once you and roommate reach an agreement over how to live together, it is necessary to respect it and remember that both of you put an equal effort into keeping a peaceful home. When s/he is not complaining, it does not mean that it is easier for him/her to respect your rules.
I wish you find this blog useful. I will be more than happy if you share with me you past experiences. Please feel free to ask if you have any question.
Mina HanifehHome Country: IranThe Henry Samueli School of Engineering
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