I’ve always had big dreams and when I transferred from my community college to UCI in 2009, I felt like I was halfway there. I knew what I wanted, knowing was never the problem. Obtaining it, however, was a completely different ball game. I wanted to go to graduate school, I wanted my PhD, and I had no idea where to start. During my first quarter, I already had the feeling that time was running out.
I did know that I was going to need letters of recommendations, so halfway through my first quarter at UCI I approached one of my professors. I do not think that Dr. David Frank realized how nervous I was the day I approached him after lecture. Approaching this person that was where I wanted to be was surreal. This action was the first step I took at actually achieving my goal. After learning about my interest in graduate school, Dr. Frank provided me with my first glimpse at the process of finding a school that ‘fit’ me. After our meeting I went to several seminars on the graduate school processes that were provided by the Social Science Academic Resource Center (SSARC) and Transfer Center. I received valuable information from these seminars; however, I was not any closer to reaching my goals.
During the winter quarter of 2010, I received an email from the School of Social Science about the Summer Academic Enrichment Program (SAEP). SAEP is a program for 1st generation college students interested in research and graduate school. This program was a God send and I applied right away. I got into the program and attended the program for 5 weeks during the summer. The skills and connections that I gained during those 5 weeks are invaluable. SAEP not only provided me with practical skills, but I also acquired a newfound courage and self-confidence to do something that I have always wanted to do. After I finished the program, I applied for an Education Abroad Program to China. In February, I made my first trip out of the country. Applying to EAP created a small problem in my schedule for the following year. That year I had applied and been accepted to the Sociology Honors Program. After talking with some of my mentors I decided that although it would be difficult to continue my research without speaking with my research advisor regularly I would try.
When I started the Sociology Honors program in the fall, I was not sure what topic I wanted to pursue. I had several things that I was passionate about and I could not decide which interest to follow. In the end I decided to continue the research that I had started that summer on stress levels of minority women in positions of leadership. After relating my plans of studying abroad to my mentor, Dr. Samuel Gilmore, we decided on the research topic of organizational culture and female leadership in China in comparison to the United States. However, doing research in China would prove extremely difficult. The fall quarter passed and I had completed my proposal, turned in my application to UROP (Undergraduate Research Opportunities Program), and I had submitted my proposal to the IRB (Institutional Review Board). All that was left to do was prepare for my departure. Preparing to go abroad was nerve racking. There were surprise expenses, moments of doubt, and times when I began to wonder whether I would be able to cope in a place where I had absolutely no support system. I managed to make it through all of those doubts and on February 14th I was on a plane to Shanghai.
During the time that led up to going to Shanghai I did some preparing. I read newspaper articles and books; I talked to friends, and even watched movies in order to get an idea about what everyday life would be like when I reached Shanghai. I knew that at times I might be frustrated with language and customs that I was not used to. However, during that first week in Shanghai I noticed nothing. All the things that later on would leave me frustrated had no effect on me then. Although I felt that I was well prepared before I arrived in Shanghai a lot of things still caught me off guard even though things that I thought I was prepared to encounter. I had to remind myself that there was more than one way to do something and that I should not expect things to be like they were in America, because I wasn’t in America. After I came back home I found myself missing Shanghai. I miss the food, the people, and how everything seemed to be within walking distance.
One of my most rewarding experiences while I was in Shanghai was volunteering for a program called Stepping Stones. Stepping Stones is an organization dedicated to helping migrant children in Shanghai with their English skills. When I say migrant I am referring to internal migration within China. At the moment China has a home registration system called Hukou. The way this system works to put it simply, is that people are given benefits based on the area that they are registered in and if you want to move to another area you have to apply. However, ordinary workers are generally not granted permission to move to places like Shanghai, Beijing, i.e. the Special Economic Zones. However, jobs have driven many from China’s countryside into these areas. The children of these migrants are placed at a disadvantage on several fronts. One being that they cannot attend “normal” schools in Shanghai, because they do not have Shanghai Hukou. There have been special schools created by migrants that have become available for these children. However, schools do not have the same budget or resources that the schools that are open to the students with Shanghai Hukou have. Currently the Chinese government is working to resolve a system that has become outdated; however, in the mean time these students are left at a disadvantage. The hope is that by helping students with their English skills they will do better on their entrance exams and be able to get into a college or university.
My Honor thesis had not gone as planned. Since there was not an equivalent to the IRB in China, there were added difficulties with my application. Also, I was having a hard time finding a population that was comfortable with me asking questions about their working environment. I was also limited by the fact that when I arrived in Shanghai I did not speak Mandarin at all. The IRB still had not given me approval to conduct my interviews in May and so I decided to postpone my thesis until the following school year.
When I returned to UCI for fall quarter, I realized that I had quite a number of classes to take if I wanted to graduate in the spring. I overloaded myself even though I thought I was handling everything quite well at the time I was taking 20 units, plus research, and applying to grad school at the same time. I needed to write a new proposal, even though I was going to use the same topic. By December I was a wreck. Nothing seemed to be working out and I became scattered trying to put all the pieces back together again. Eventually I dropped everything and focused on my finals. During winter break I tried to fix what was left of my proposal. All the articles began to merge in my mind and although I was trying to stay focused I had simply lost interest. Meanwhile deadlines for programs that I had been planning to applying slipped past. I was in a rut and I did not know how to get myself out of it. Winter quarter started and I was in the same situation I was in during fall quarter. Eventually I decided that I was not going to be able to finish my research project. Not finishing my research project has become my one major regret about my undergraduate career. However, I knew that my interest in the subject area was not very strong to begin with. I had let myself be led to the topic simply because I did not know what I was most passionate about. I did not want to take up anymore of my mentor’s time with a project that seemed to have fallen apart and one that I could not motivate myself to put back together.
I did end up applying to one program during the upheaval of fall and winter quarter. The program is in International Studies at Concordia University. It is an intensive one year program. It is unique in the sense that the students live and work in China for most of the program. I have been accepted; however, I have deferred my acceptance until the next school year. In the mean time, I will be working and trying to gain some practical experience before going back to school. I believe that I will apply for a PhD programs in the future; however, before I do I plan to be sure about what it is I want to study.
I have thoroughly enjoyed my experience at UCI. I have learned so much both inside and outside the classroom. I know that sounded like a cliché, but it is true. Through my professors, protests, rallies, seminars, and my peers I have gained perspective, challenged prejudice, and rethought assumptions. My only hope is that in the years to come I will continue to do so.
Karen McNair
UCI Alumni 2012
B.A. Sociology
Minor: International Studies