Warning: the following content is brutally honest and blunt.
I do not mean to offend anyone nor do I have any ill intentions. I just want to tell my story in full honestly.
No sugar coating, no euphemism, and no worries about being politically and socially correct.
Here it goes…
Initially I applied to UCI because it was close to home and I had a good chance of getting in. When I got admitted, I was reluctant to accept. “All the students are Asian,” I thought to myself. “I’ll never make good friends or find a boyfriend.” Why I had this mentality, I’m not sure. But I know it had something to do with all the negative stereotypes I heard about Asians while growing up. “They’re cold” “They just stick to their own kind” “They don’t express their emotions” I believed these stereotypes as if they were an accurate description of all Asian people. And somehow these stereotypes were confirmed with my own experiences during high school.
Before I knew it, “Celebrate UCI” day came around. My mom dragged me to visit the campus and learn more about the programs. As the campus tour guide led us around ring road, my mom and I were awed by the beautiful buildings, the greenery of Aldrich Park, and the monetary richness of the whole campus. Then we went to a conference room in the Student Center to learn more about the Undecided/Undeclared program. “Look at the clean, fresh walls, and that podium!” my mom whispered to me with sparkling eyes. We had never seen so much wealth in a concentrated area. My parents both worked all day for minimum wage. We had immigrated to the United States in search of the American Dream but spent all our time struggling to survive in a poor neighborhood. UCI looked like another world to me. To my mother it was the gateway to a better life. She wanted me to be surrounded with educated and relatively wealthy people. Something she never had.
With pressure from my mother, the flexibility of the Undecided/Undeclared program and the beauty of the campus, I was convinced. I committed to UCI.
Again, before I knew it. It was time to move in to the dorms. I was nervous about who my roommate would be. To my dismay she was Asian. I decided to keep up a positive attitude and force myself to forget about the stereotypes. But as weeks dragged on, each stereotype was as real and painful as my loneliness.
I was also having a hard time adjusting to UCI culture. Back home I was used to living a communal life and caring deeply for other’s feelings and being cared for as well. At UCI, the culture was very individualistic. I knew the only way to escape my misery was to make close friends, but how could I? They were all Asian.
Slowly as I got involved on campus, I met a few people that I could connect with, and they were Asian! One of my co-workers, the nicest one of all, became my first Asian friend. A kind and sincere guy who I attempted the ARC (Anteater Recreation Center) ropes course with became my first Asian crush. Of course, soon I learned that there were different kinds of Asians: Koreans, Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Phillipinos, etc. And they too had their cultural differences.
My views on Asians, race, and society as a whole have changed greatly since
I started my journey at UCI. I’ve learned so much from my experiences. But
I still have a long way to go.
Sincerely,
Elin Ghazikhanian
3rd year
Psychology and Social Behavior Major
Education Minor
Cross Cultural Center affiliate