From my nana’s infamous remix of “what are you going to do with a math degree” (first lectured at my mom) to my software engineer friends convinced that their computing knowledge supersedes the science and that “scientists can’t program”, I have heard quite possibly every way to question why I am a computational chemist and not either a traditional chemist or a software engineer or a medical doctor. I won’t lie and say the answer is easy or even poetic. I can rattle off just as many cons as pros if forced, but the blending of computer science and chemistry and physics and biomedicine is at the top of the pros.
This was not a childhood dream. Growing up the only options anyone presented as “realistic” or “appropriate” in STEM where medicine or engineering, the concept of pursuing science without a publicly recognizable job was met with criticism. This was only compounded by my interest in biomedicine. Horse, dog, human playing little doctor was not just forced on me, but there were not other options presented to me. No one questioned the answer “medical school” as my educational path until my second year of high school. My environmental science teacher was the first person to suggest to me that PhD roles in the medical pipeline exist. I do not remember my response, although, I know I wasn’t ready to hear it then. Her comments did start me on a long journey to where I am now.
Those first seeds of doubt grew through the rest of high school. I went to a STEM school where to graduate we had to intern and do a research project thesis at the experience. Surprising no one, I interned with a doctor. I greatly enjoyed my experience with the dermatologist, but I hate to say I was bored. I assumed at the time this was senioritis. Much like my environmental science teacher, I think she knew better. Most of my tasks consisted of researching new medicines and cosmetic techniques, not patient focused. Like every other 18-year-old, I yet again ignored the signs in front of me and kept going towards medical school. The next sign was impossible to ignore.
I was one of 16 interviewed for my undergrad’s 7-year bachelors-medical school program. I was not successful. While I was bitter about it for a long time, and honestly, it still colors my opinion of the rejection author, it did force me to face reality. There were other paths to being involved in medicine, and if I thought I might like research, I needed to explore them. I did not need to trap myself in a super accelerated program to a medical degree that might never face a patient. In the year that followed, I dropped biology for chemistry as a major so I wouldn’t have to memorize plant parts, joined my first research lab, and started to explore other options. Options that offered something beyond patient care but did not make me feel like I gave up all this knowledge and interest. From there I worked my way through 3 “wet” (read: normal) labs before fully moving into computations.
In the end, while this is not what I imagined myself doing when I “grow up”, it has been the right choice. There’s a concept out there that you should do what intersects your talents, your passion, and what will pay the bills. For me, computational chemistry draws that line.