ACADEMIC WEAPON

Academic weapon (noun)—An individual (typically a student) that acquires traits that are seen by many as scholarly. Example: Ian is an academic weapon who doesn’t miss class and studies hard for his midterms. 

The term “academic weapon” blew up as a meme on TikTok, where people doing academically positive things such as not skipping class, studying, and asking questions were referred to as “academic weapons.” And who doesn’t want to be called a weapon? Of course, I had to comply.

Throughout this quarter, I have tried my best to maintain a healthy work-life balance with the help of my friends—and this silly little meme. Midterms the week after Halloween? No problem. My friends and I would go out for Halloween but come home earlier, all in the name of academic weaponry. 

So far, I have taken a midterm for math and econ, and both have gone well! To study for math, I was able to get help from our class’s online discussion board, which allowed me to ask questions to the other 600+ students, as well as the professor. It also helped that I go to class with my roommate Brandon, where we sit in the first row of our 400 person lecture (as academic weapons should). Brandon has been a huge help in this class, teaching me things I didn’t understand and letting me study with him for the midterm. My midterm could have gone better, but I still have finals, so I still have a chance of getting that coveted A.

Even though I expected better in math, at least I have econ to cheer me up. Somehow I aced the midterm, leaving me physical proof of my hard work. And because of this, I now find myself in a predicament I would never have imagined myself in. 

So my econ class has two midterms: one in week 3 and one in week seven. However, in this class, the lowest-scoring midterm gets dropped. See where I’m going with this? I could technically get any grade at all on the next midterm, and it wouldn’t matter one bit. The thought is tempting, and I’ve imagined myself reenacting a scene from my favorite movie Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse, where the main character, Miles, knows all of the answers on his test but gets a zero on purpose. However, one thing is holding me back—I need to be an academic weapon.

All that effort to ace an exam just to throw away my title like that? Not a chance. I’ve already started studying for my midterm next week, and I plan on doing just as well. Maybe then, just then, I can hold the title of academic weapon with pride, knowing that I took the right steps and got the results I wanted.

See y’all next time!

-Ian