Tag: 20-21: Charlotte

ヽ(´ー｀)ﾉ

According to wikipedia, that emoticon means “peace of mind” which is fitting considering the topic today is ~meditation~

Today I attended Monday Meditation hosted by the UCI Student Wellness Center. It was around 20 minutes of grounding and centering the self and I honestly quite enjoyed it. 

I have had experiences with meditation in the past but calling those experiences “meditation” feels kind of silly in comparison. My senior year of high school, I had a teacher who hosted meditation for four minutes every morning before class. I appreciated the effort and sentiment of the action greatly, which is why at the beginning of the year I took meditation very seriously. But I could never shake the uncomfortable fear of being stared at by the person sitting directly across from me, as my eyes were closed and by nature I was vulnerable to an attack (lol). 

As the year progressed, the wear and tear of my final days of high school overruled my appreciation for the effects of morning meditation. Meditation time? I began to know it as Power Nap Time. As soon as I sat down in class, my eyes were closed and my body was working overtime to generate as much energy as it possibly could in the next 4 minutes to prepare me for the day ahead.

For the guided meditation hosted by the Wellness Center, I felt no such fear of being stared at in the comfort of my own home and the 20 minutes flew by. I was uncomfortably aware of how heavy my head was just sitting on my neck. The guide made a comment on how it was normal for minds to wander during meditation so I let my mind roam free for a bit. Most of the thoughts my mind decided were meaningful and peaceful were about the weight of my head: how strong my neck was for holding up my lunk of a skull— or, alternatively, how weak my neck was for having so much difficulty doing the one task it was designed to do. Either way, opening my eyes after the meditation was over, I felt refreshed in a way.

As I have grown older, wiser, more complex, I have come to the realization that Mondays suck (Garfield said it first). It’s easy to get overwhelmed with to-do lists and objectives for the coming week and I am looking forward to attending more live meditation sessions in the remaining few weeks, and arguably most stressful weeks, of the fall quarter.

ヽ(´ー｀)ﾉ

(Forlorn) I sit here, wishing I had a cool midterms story to tell, but alas— here I am, still sitting, with no story to tell.

Midterms felt like just any other test, really. I didn’t study because all my tests were open notes and I assumed that delving through my notes to scavenge for the right answer would be enough— and they were, sorta. I didn’t do so hot on my physics exam. Somehow I forgot that equations wouldn’t be enough to come to the right answer. That’s really all. I didn’t really understand the true significance of midterms until a friend congratulated me saying “Your first midterms!!! Congrats!!” I said thanks! not truly knowing the reason for the ovation. 

Since I’m out of juice with a word count to fill, I’ll write about how midterms could have gone, given COVID was just a silly fever dream the whole world dreamt at exactly the same time.

Pre-COVID Studying

I haven’t slept in days. It’s like I basically live at the library now. The books all know me by name and so do the dusty (Brown Shelves? Gray shelves? I wouldn’t know I’ve never been to the library) brown or gray shelves they live on. My roommate (who currently does not exist) has been staking out in our dorm that we share because there is no safety precaution for single-student dorms. She and I can’t study in the same room, certainly not for virus-safety means, but because she studies with music on and I can’t stand the intrusive voice of Bruno Mars dancing on all the physics equations rolling around in my brain. 

Pre-COVID Exam Taking

So there I am sitting in my in-person classroom, with a real piece of paper before me and empty bubbles to fill (who woulda thought, tests on paper.)  I’ve forgotten my pencil. I raise my hand and the professor gets the pencil to me by giving it to the students in the front row and having them pass it back to me. After it has passed through at least seven people’s hands, it gets to me and I don’t sanitize it with a disinfectant spray or wipe— why would I? I am mask-less and share the same air that my 50 other classmates breathe. The room is quiet and someone sniffles and lets out a little cough. No heads turn, the room barely takes notice. There’s a person in the seat right next to me, close enough for me to hear their pencil scratching on the test form. It’s not necessary to sit a desk apart, the thought never even crosses my mind.

After the test, me and some friends get some snacks to celebrate the ending of midterms. We all sit at one table together right next to another group of people (there are more than three of them.) Someone sneezes and I turn around to say “bless you” and smile in response to their thanks. Life is good, I live on campus, I have just finished midterms, and the word “Corona” means nothing more than Rapunzel’s island kingdom.

I wish that I cared less. I know my teachers like teaching to faces and not names so every week I am filled with the urge to turn my camera on, only to have this urge stifled by the fear of 78 pairs of eyes on me at all times. Turn my camera on, and I feel like the town fool— everyone can watch me drink water out of my sippy-cup-like hydro flask, every move I make is a monumental distraction. At least, that’s how I feel. 

With my camera on, it feels like I’m the Tin Man at an Adele concert with extreme VIP tickets, sitting right on the stage next to her. She’s singing a very heartfelt song— you know, one of those songs where the instruments and the backing track are floating underneath her voice— and the crowd is still, mesmerized. I adjust my sitting position ever so slightly, and my metal limbs squeak and everyone’s eyes snap towards me.  

So there I am in class, and I want to brush the hair out of my face. But it feels like if I do, the whole world, all 78 of my classmates, will be watching me instead of learning about the wonders of solar energy.

Anyways, I am starting a handmade earring business this next week! Starting a business during college? I know, that reminds you of a certain someone who also started a business in college. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I’d really appreciate it if you addressed me as “Mark Zuckerberg.” Thanks. 

I wanted to start selling earrings because this year I’ve been blessed with an extremely light workload. It wouldn’t be so light if I didn’t miss orchestra auditions in September, but I did (lol) and have found myself with lots of extra time! Throughout the summer I painted almost every day, but lately I just haven’t been reaching for the ol’ paints. Even though the painting has stopped, the creative energy is still building up inside me and I decided to make Among Us Earrings. Here is my shameless plug (Zuckerberg would have done the same): They are all hand drawn, cut, painted, and assembled and I’m launching my Etsy store to sell them on November 1 : D If you want to check them out my Instagram is linked ; )

https://www.instagram.com/charlo.to.art/

That’s all for this week! 

Xoxo,

Mark Zuckerberg