I Got the Vaccine, and Now I am a Monopoly Addict and My Own GPS Unit
Some vaccine doubters have been led to believe that the vaccines contain Bill Gates’ DNA, and carry tracking chips. This is my satire on this. Of course, I respect Bill Gates’ leadership in worldwide charitable work, and in leading research and worldwide distribution of vaccines, and in helping to stem global warming
I don’t like playing games, and especially Monopoly. But since getting a double vaccination, I look around me and imagine cornering the market and making a monopoly of all sorts of common things that we take for granted.
Like Bill Gates, who just took the simple act of typing a document or letter that could be done on any old typewriter, and making it into a monopoly where only an $85 a year software was the only allowed way to do it. Most things, especially aging software, get cheaper every year, as they achieve economies of scale. But not the cost of that software. Sure, they add more bells and whistles every year, but who has time to waste on learning or using them.
Not only do I now look at the Forbes list every year to see not only if I am on it, but to see if I am now the richest man on earth. You should see how I was treated when I went into the bank and asked them for a loan to build a unique 66,000 square foot house, but I felt a compulsion to do it. Also, I now feel it necessary to write a column every week on how I am saving the world.
I could sometime get close to a new destination, but I would always rely on a gas station or someone walking in a parking lot to guide me to the location. After the vaccination, I now not only know where I am going, but the two shortest routes, and how long it will take me to the minute. Furthermore, a voice now plays in my head which tells me where to take turns, and how many yards it is to the turn. It also guides me into the correct lane for freeway driving.
Besides protecting me from the Coronavirus, the vaccine is a balance between the intuitive GPS unit, and the compulsions to both monopolize and save the world.
Oddly, of the 150 million Americans who got the vaccines, nobody else is reporting these new compulsions and abilities.
On the possibility of injecting computer chips, there also is the matter of the really thin needles such that you hardly feel the vaccination. The inner vaccination needle size is only 0.26 to 0.41 mm. Then there is the blood-brain barrier, which doesn’t even allow large molecules to enter the brain. No way that a computer chip, much less a whole GPS tracking unit attached to a cell phone unit to broadcast your location, is going to make it into your brain. Not to mention the large enough battery so that it doesn’t need recharging. On the other hand, this could also explain the sudden shortage of computer chips.
Paranoid people throughout the ages have thought that people are watching them, by whatever means available then. I am not a psychologist, but my interpretation was that people with common lives got reinforcement by thinking that they were somehow important enough to be watched and tracked.
There is the new addition of the claimed magnetization of the vaccinated, since the vaccines are supposed to contain aluminum, which is used in some vaccines as an adjuvant to increase its effectiveness . Neither Pfizer or Moderna vaccines have aluminum. Aluminum is not magnetic. Like millions of Americans, I take a vitamin and mineral supplement, which includes metal compounds, but even then I am not magnetic. I also use Zinc sunscreen, but again, no magnetism. The most likely metal to stick to your skin is the lightest, aluminum, which is what the demonstrator chose. However, physics is important, and aluminum is not a magnetic metal nor does it take induced magnetism. The politicians she is demonstrating that in front of should have known that. On the other hand, that could explain why I am drawn to my fridge late at night when I am too tired to resist.
Iron is the fundamental metal in the body, since two thirds of it is in hemoglobin which carries Oxygen in the bloodstream. It is the most common magnetic material and is in all of our bodies. Even it does not make us magnetic. The daily amount of iron for a male is 20 milligram. Without iron we perish.
I saw an article that the top people in misinformation on vaccines make millions of dollars selling snake oil type remedies, and exorbitantly priced tapes or CDs. This is really terrible that they get away with it.
I made an ethical commitment not to spread anything that could lead to a conspiracy theory, even in satire. But Dana Milbank just did so in The NY Times, so why can’t I?
